Schizophrenia

NOTE: This is not my original composition, it was originally posted by:

Kristine Chantelle Asuncion[My One True Love]


I am looking at this ring on my left hand right now (…and as I always do, since the person I truly love placed it on my finger) - a symbol of commitment, a promise, true love, and the word “forever”.

I found myself lost and confused. I was stuck enduring the pain of a three-year relationship that was going nowhere… I ended it as I started dating, conversing with, and almost falling to, liars. A clairvoyant gave me no straight answer on who among the two persons would I choose. It then came to my mind that that’s just how relationships would be — everything would seem all good at the start ’til you could no longer patch things up… that the existence of the so-called “perfect relationship” in the presence of impediments is impossible… that the word “destiny” is a big joke blurted out by individuals as a product of their illusions or visions of euphoria.

Well, it’s because that was how things were in all the past relationships I’ve been. The scenario is a guy courts a girl (of course with his best foot forward), the girl falls for the guy, and the next thing you’ll know is that they’re on. Infatuation. Lust. And they term it “Love”? Or was it just something to show to the people around? Yet when you really need that person you are expecting to be there, not even a single message would seem to reach your phone. Just what do you hold on to? That “I love you” statement he last personally said about a year ago? You call that the sacrifice for true love? And so you lasted for years with that situation. What do you have now? Damn, you even barely see or reach that person. Then you start believing he’s the one because you lasted for years. You ask yourself what were the things you’ve shared in that span of time, and you can’t give even a single significant moment you’ve shared as an answer. You try to find happiness in those “moments” when you can really find nothing. You look pitiful trying to convince yourself that everything is great.

I kept quiet as some people inundate me that I should have guilt feelings with the life transition I had this year. They somehow piss me off. Here is the big difference. (It is no longer a predicament to me if some cannot comprehend; I suggest that they get a real life to live.)

It has been quite some time since I last opened my online instant messaging account. I had a bunch of offline messages but one sender seemed to have caught my attention. One of his messages excerpted lines from my online community profile about the type of person I would want to be with. What I wanted was simple. ”I want to love a guy who’d get me drunk to make me realize that it’s bad… someone who’d send me back after running away from home… someone who’d be there no matter what the circumstance may be.”

He is a person who has been a friend to me for quite some years now. Insights and fields of interest drew us closer. Just when I thought no one would take me and everything I would say seriously, someone who also had a tough year was there to listen. I do not consider him as one of my closest friends that time, but I found it really helpful to be sharing sentiments with him. One was there to help the other leave the clutters as the previous year closes. Both looked forward to a new start.

Time went on that as one tries to look out where to actually start, it felt like I was being pulled back to where I was as I opened the new chapter of my life — that spot with him. It was quite impossible if I would to look at the situation, but each day just draws him closer to me.

“Will you love me for what I am?” was one question that changed my life as I stated my answer. It was this instant that everything just felt great — not because my mind was being fooled by figments of imagination and fantasy, but because everything was real. I do not need to convince myself that things are true because they are in the eyes of whoever who would look at it.

Have you ever had that feeling that you could say that it’s forever right from the very start? That you do not just suppose, but YOU KNOW and YOU FEEL that it would work and would last? Because I do. And it was only with him that it felt this right.

Each day that comes just becomes a lot better than yesterday. The impossible became possible. My thoughts on true love were shaken. Now I know that such really does exist… that you do not have to make things work because love alone would make every thing work.

Now I know why the clairvoyant gave me no straight answer. It’s because the answer was never in the choices. I asked who, and all he said was “Go for the person who’d ask you to join him in matrimony.” And now, a ring is on me.

He changed her life… made it a lot better. He gave her inspiration to be at her best at each day. He placed that smile on her face that stays… when she walks, when she’s doing any thing, when she’s asleep. He is all she has ever wanted, all she has ever needed. He is the only person she’s bound to love for the rest of her life. He… is the person who placed this ring on my finger.



He… is Ed De Leon.